i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
