some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
