she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
