you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
