My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
