Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
