I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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