i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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