What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
