My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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