i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
