Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
