she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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