Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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