I am in a vortex of obligation.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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