Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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