Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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