OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The power of my boobs compel you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
