It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
