Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
