I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
