Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
