Im at strip club and am horny
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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