so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
