Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
