so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
