I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
