can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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