Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
