I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize