I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
last night I used snow as a chaser
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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