An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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