remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize