WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
worst night to have a conscience
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
