tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
