i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
