We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
