your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
