Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
