can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
