i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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