I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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