That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
