i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
