so that wasnt chicken after all
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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