i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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