at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
