I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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