I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
