The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize