The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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