Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
