Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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