Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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