She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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