ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
