do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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