In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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