some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
