I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize