I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how drunk are you?
Several
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
