it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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