I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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