last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
