ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
