Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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