seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
