please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
