Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
