He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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