whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
