I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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