Just took my morning after pill in the library
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
