I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
