So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
