We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
