there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
