Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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