Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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