The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
