whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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