Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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