Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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