who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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